Hilary Swank Smelling Up the Place

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Hilary Swank
Hilary Swank is muse of upcoming perfume

Usually that's a bad thing, but Hilary Swank is the new "muse" for Guerlain's latest perfume. She follows such notables as Nicole Kidman and Gwyneth Paltrow in being the face of the ad campaign, but she hasn't taken the leap to her own line of perfumes like Jennifer Lopez and Britney Spears.

My only question is this: what exactly does a "muse" do? I mean, I know that mythological muses "inspire," but it's not like she's going to be sitting in with the fragrance designers like a model for an art study class. Since that's not the case, I'm pretty sure "muse" is just their name for "person whose name we think will help us sell a lot of perfume."

Avril Lavigne Singing "Who Knows" at Olympics Closing Ceremony

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Avril Lavigne
Part of the Olympic tradition at the Closing Cermonies is to hand off the flag to the next city to host the Olympics. This year, it's Vancouver, Canada, which is scheduled to host the 2010 Winter Olympics: so Canada gets the chance to give us a teaser tonight.

Show at a glance

The Vancouver Organizing Committee, the group in charge of this preview show, tapped Canadian native, Avril Lavigne, to headline their show. She'll be performing "Who Knows." For those of you who want to sing along: Who Knows Lyrics

Enjoy the show!

Halle Berry and Richard Gere - Pudding People of the Year

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Halle Berry
Gere crowned Hasty Pudding Man of the Year

Richard Gere and Halle Berry have been named the Hasty Pudding Man and Woman of the Year respectively.

The award from Hasty Pudding Theatricals is given annually to a man and woman to recognize lasting contributions. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Tim Robbins were honored last year by the group.

Unlike the Oscars and similar award shows, this is a considerably less-than-serious affair. Gere had to put on a dress and heels before he was allowed to collect his reward. It's a little silliness for an industry that often takes itself far too seriously, so kudos to Gere and Berry for showing up and having a little fun with the award...

Lindsay Lohan Wants to Be a Grown-Up

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Linsday Lohan
Lohan: Don't call me 'teen queen'

I understand that Lindsay Lohan doesn't want to be pigeon-holed as a teen star. Now that she's maturing into adulthood, she wants to be considered for grown-up work. Definitely a good goal...

But here's the rub. If you want to be treated like an adult, and thought of like an adult, you first have to *act* like an adult. And Lindsay? Well, let's just say she hasn't exactly started down the road to deserving credit for acting like an adult of late.

Not too long ago, Tara Reid was complaining of the exact same thing: she wants to thought of as a "serious actress." I'll issue the same advice to Lindsay that I gave to Tara: Chill out.

You're going to have to prove to the big money people that your behavior isn't going to be a liability to a multi-million dollar project. Partying until the wee hours, engaging in immature teenage spats with other starlets, crashing your car, etc., are all strikes against you. Try toning down the lifestyle a bit. Let someone else drive: it's not like you can't afford a driver. In short, you're going to have to grow up before you can expect to be treated as a grown-up...

Nick Lachey Fudges Paperwork to Get More Money

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Jessica Simpson
Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson Divorce Storm Brews

In what is sure to be one of the big stories of 2006, Nick Lachey filed his response to the divorce papers from his soon-to-be-ex Jessica Simpson.

His response was laughingly predictable when you understand that basically a frat boy who's been freeloading off his wife for a long time and is now very upset that she decided to dump him for being a loser. So he wants all his jewelry back, and he wants alimony: after all, it's not like his prospects for a big career in anything other than fast food management are very strong.

But he's not satisfied with that: he also stretched out his date of separation by two weeks in order to try to grab at an extra $425,000. They publicly announced their separation on Thanksgiving, yet Lachey is claiming that they separated on December 13th. He says his date is different because he was "stilling seeking to reconcile." Conveniently enough, Jessica Simpson made $850,000 a week before - and Nick is changing the date on his paperwork so he can try to take half that money.

Hey Nick: if you were going to try to "reconcile" all the way up until the 13th, why did you publicly announce you were separating on Thanksgiving Day? Answer: you're a liar. This is just pettiness and greed.

Nick's playing ugly already....

Britney Spears Ducks Out on K-Fed's Upcoming Debacle

Monday, February 20, 2006

Britney Spears
Federline Says He's Ready for Backlash

Reading between Freeloader's statements, one thing becomes clear: wife Britney Spears wants nothing to do with his "recording career."

She could have easily ensured the success of his album by appearing on at list one track, but I have no doubt that she made the calculation that she didn't want to poison her future career prospects by being associated in any way with his pathetic vanity project.

He can talk about how the decision was made so he could earn "respect," but even his own wife won't respect his singing...why should we?

Britney Prepares to Fill the Void

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Britney Spears
'I sound bitter. I'm not bitter'

So you think things in the music world have been a bit on the dull side without Britney Spears? Britney certainly thinks they have been. I'm sure that will come as a big shock to Kelly Clarkson, Mariah Carey, Gwen Stefani and all the other folks who have been keeping things lively on the pop music scene.

In case you agree with Britney Spears, you'll be relieved to know that she'll be releasing a new album later on this year. If you don't agree with her, then consider this fair warning...

Nick Lachey Wants Back on Jessica Simpson Money Train

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Jessica Simpson
Lachey seeks spousal support from Simpson

No, he's not trying to reconcile with Jessica Simpson: he just wants her money. After spending their entire marriage as an unemployed moocher while she worked to build her carrer, he thinks he should be entitled to keep being an unemployed moocher...

Sorry Nick, you're gonna have to get a job like everyone else. Sorry the royalties from your brief career with 98 Degrees aren't enough to keep you from getting the next number in MC Hammer Hero to Zero bankruptcy line. Maybe if you had concentrated on building your career instead of sitting back and being a condescending frat boy partier while your wife was taking care of business you wouldn't find yourself with no money.

But then again, it's probably a big part of why she dumped you in the first place...

Madonna Desperately Seeking Someone Else

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Coldplay to quit music scene

The article starts off with the buzz over Chris Martin from Coldplay saying that the band would be going on a two-year hiatus. Maybe, maybe not. We'll see what happens when the royalty money starts to dry up...

But buried deeper in the article is that it looks like Madonna has found herself a boytoy, and her marriage to Guy Ritchie may be on the rocks. Never one to be upstaged, I'm sure she's been watching all the publicity surrounding the relationship Demi Moore and the much-younger Ashton Kutcher, and she thought "If I did that, my name would be all over the headlines too."

The one thing that Madonna has always been good at is shameless self-promotion, and she's always been ready and willing to go to any lengths to get herself into the headlines. At 47, she's not a daily tabloid feature any more: but she hasn't lost the hunger to be one.

I'd be willing to bet that by the end of the year, she'll have found herself back in the headlines the old-fashioned way: by sleeping her way into them...

Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Over?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Katie Holmes
Cruise’s rep denies demise of TomKat

Life & Style magazine reported that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided to announce a break up after their baby is born. A story which, of course, their publicist is vociferously denying.

Are they or aren't they? My guess is: they are. Every story in Hollywood begins this way: a source leaks it to the press, the publicist calls the press complete liars, then a couple months later it turns out to have been true all along. If you remember the recent breakup of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, then you know what I'm talking about. The story hit the headlines in August that they were breaking up. For over three months, both of them denied it, and then on Thanksgiving morning they announced that they were separating. That's just the way things work in that town.

It's time to start the countdown to the day they officially announce that they won't be getting married. I give it until after the release of Mission Impossible III on May 5th: he won't want any negative publicity before it hits theaters...So my bet is mid-May: any takers?

The Razor Sharp Dreams of Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman
Portman: I was glad to shave my head

So what do gorgeous young actresses secretly dream of? Shaving their heads...At least that was the secret wish of Natalie Portman according to her when she was asked about shaving her head for 'V for Vendetta.'

She said that she can "usually blend in" walking down the street. OK, maybe more than when you have your head shaved, Natalie, but I doubt you know what it's like to "blend in." Even if you hadn't been the star of several hit movies (which you are), you're still a beautiful young woman and even "nobody" beautiful women don't "blend in."

I've always liked Natalie Portman, but it's sometimes funny to hear celebrities talk about being "normal" and "blending in" - as if they truly have a concept of what that means. She's been in the movies since before puberty, so it would be more surprising than not if her concept of "normal" wasn't a bit skewed...

Sienna Miller Not Bitter At All

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Sienna Miller
Stay single, says Sienna

Sienna Miller isn't bitter at all...honest...

She's celebrating this Valentine's Day by issuing advice to women: "Just stay single." For a woman who's just come out of two relationships: the public one with Jude Law and her affair with Bond-to-be Daniel Craig, she seems to be telling women to do as she says not as she does.

I don't have a lot of sympathy for Sienna and whatever she might be feeling. Granted, Jude Law was fooling around with the nanny, but she let everyone think he was a horrible person - all the while she was kanoodling with Daniel Craig. She's not exactly a victim here: it's obvious from the fact that both of them were seeking company outside their relationship before they were even married that neither of them were planning on making a go of it over the long haul.

Enough with the drama, Sienna...We know you weren't as badly treated as you pretend to have been. It's time to move on, and quit with the martyr routine...

Paula Abdul Pulls One Over on Dr. Phil

Monday, February 13, 2006

Paula Abdul
Is Dr. Phil a stupid cupid?

In the quest for publicity, no stunt is too small. That's the only explanation for Paula Abdul's appearance on Dr. Phil's Valentine's Day show looking for love when she already has a steady boyfriend.

This reminds me of the dust-up over her fling with the American Idol contestant. She wasn't honest about her relationship with him, and she's not being honest now. I understand wanting to keep your private life private, but you can't exactly use that as an excuse when you go on Dr. Phil to talk about your love life can you?

Dr. Phil got one pulled over on him by a publicity-seeking Paula Abdul who's looking to build on her rediscovered fame as an American Idol judge. He'll never admit it, and if past is prologue she won't own up to it: but we know the truth...

Pink Panther Tops Weekend Box Office

Beyonce Knowles
'Pink Panther' strikes again at box office

To the surprise of some, the new Pink Panther film starring Beyonce Knowles and Steve Martin came out on top in the weekend's box office numbers.

Remakes are always iffy viewing, and even a top showing at the box office this past weekend is no guarantee of the success of the film. The marquee value of both Beyonce Knowles and Steve Martin guaranteed that there would be at least some initial interest in the film, so the true measure of the movie is going to come in Weeks 2, 3 and 4 when word-of-mouth is going to be important to its success than the initial hype.

I think it should wind up being a moderate money maker as there's very little "light adult fare" for it to compete with at the box office making it an ideal date movie - neither too scary nor too loaded with testosterone, but the initial reviews haven't been overwhelming so I doubt it has any real significant box office staying power.

Neve Campbell Says Yes

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Neve Campbell
Neve Campbell's Party of Two

If you want to win Neve Campbell's heart, recite Shakespeare to her on one knee. That's what actor John Light did, and she responded by accepting his marriage proposal.

No date has been set yet, but congrats to the the happy couple.

Jennifer Lopez Uses Celebrity Powers for Good

Friday, February 10, 2006

Jennifer Lopez
Lopez Seeks Bone Marrow Donors for Woman

These are the sorts of stories that we like to see...

Jennifer Lopez is using her celebrity status to try to help a Hispanic woman find a marrow transplant.

She's appealing to Hispanics in New York City because the woman needs a matching donor to survive and fellow Hispanics are the most likely to provide a positive match.

Good for Jennifer Lopez, and I hope she is successful in finding this woman the donor she needs.

Kanye West Thinks in Biblical Proportions

Kanye West
West: 'I should be in the Bible'

No one is ever going to accuse Kanye West of being shy or modest: especially not Kanye West.

He thinks so highly of himself that he believes he belongs in the Bible. According to him, he is such a revolutionary talent that he's "changed the sound of music more than one time" and that he's "definitely in the history books."

No one can argue that he isn't talented, but c'mon Kanye even you can't believe what you're saying. OK, you might believe it, but honestly no one else does. You have never "changed the sound of music": you've simply been successful in a genre that existed long before you ever hit the recording studio.

What Kanye is becoming best known for is not his music, but his inability to even pretend that he doesn't think he can walk on water and that's never an attractive trait no matter who you are.

I compare him to Dennis Rodman who, when you get beyond all the exterior stuff, was one of the great defensive basketball players in recent years. But no one outside of basketball knew that because his ego and antics distracted from the talent that was so obvious once he hit the hardwoods. All people knew about Dennis Rodman was that he was "that crazy basketball player." If Kanye doesn't learn to be more temperate, soon all people will know about him is that he's "that megalomaniacal singer guy."

A wise man knows that arrogance such as Kanye's will come back to bite him in the end because no one stays on top forever, so - even if he himself thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread - he's smart enough to keep it to himself. If you are truly great, then you don't need to blow your horn: others will be happy to do that for you.

Evidently Kanye hasn't gained the wisdom to figure that out yet...

Teri Hatcher's Grammy Dress Steals the Show

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Teri Hatcher
Hatcher Wows Grammy Crowd With Sheer Gown

Forget U2's five Grammy wins, it was Teri Hatcher's dress that stole the show at last night's Grammys.

You can see Teri Hatcher's Grammy dress here and here and here and judge for yourself if it was "WOW" worthy...

Our opinion? Absolutely...

Britney Spears Blames the Paparazzi

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Britney Spears
Rush & Molloy: Risky drive? Brit cites lack of photog restraint

The girl just can't help herself. Britney Spears lastest brush with trouble came as a result of her driving without putting her baby in a child safety seat. The LAPD showed up at her house after getting a call from Child Protective Services.

She's blaming the paparazzi for the incident, but I'm not buying it. Readers of this blog know that I have no love for aggressive paparazzi, but I just don't believe her in this instance. The statement which was issued was obviously written by her publicist: it doesn't sound like something she would come up with on her own and the grammar is too proper. It's another case where the publicist is left cleaning up the mess left by Britney's (or Freeloader's) bad behavior.

I hope the job pays well...

Mariah Carey: Private Eater

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Mariah wears a bib

Mariah Carey has revealed that she enjoys eating in bed while wearing a bib - which sounds a little funny til you realize that she's probably got some seriously expensive bedclothes and linens that she doesn't want messed up by her food. (I have to admit though, it's awfully tempting to have some fun with the revelation.)

Like many female celebrities - and non-celebrity females, she admits to having difficulty controlling her weight. Her explanation that it's because she's a muscular person doesn't hold weight though: muscular people tend to have more stable weight because muscles burn calories.

She has the same struggle with weight as everybody else: I'm sure she has difficulty controlling her weight because of a tendency to over-indulge from time to time...and when she has the chance to strap the bib on, I'm sure she's not exactly counting calories...

A Baby Girl for Jennifer Lopez?

Jennifer Lopez
Are J. Lo and Marc Anthony thinking pink?

That's the latest rumor anyway...According to The Scoop, they've been told that Jennifer Lopez recently went on a several thousand dollar shopping spree at a trendy baby store buying all sorts of goodies for a baby girl.

According to her spokeswoman, she's not pregnant. But, spokespeople aren't exactly known for their honesty: just look at how long the spokespeople for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been denying that they were even romanatically involved.

Spokespeople are professional liars and spin doctors: that's what they get paid to do. It would be nice if we could trust spokespeople to tell the truth, but that's not the world we live in.

I don't understand why celebrities, such as Jennifer Lopez (potentially) or Angelina Jolie (for sure), feel the need to lie about such things. Pregnancy isn't one of those things you can hide for long no matter what you do, and shouldn't it be something you're proud of? Isn't the first rule of lying that you make sure it's about something you actually have a chance of keeping secret? It just seems like something incredibly stupid to lie about. Sometimes the world of celebrity just doesn't make sense...

Rap Video Shoot Leads to Murder

Monday, February 06, 2006

Shot dead at rap video set

A Busta Rhymes video shoot that had attracted other stars such as 50 Cent, DMX, and Mary J. Blige - and all their "entourages" - ended with over a dozen gunshots fired and Rhymes' bodyguard shot dead.

I'm trying real hard to gather up some sympathy for these folks, but right now I just can't find it in me. This is the natural result of all this "keeping it real," that just attracts thugs and violent criminals.

Each one of these stars is a multi-millionaire, and there's no excuse to be engaging in lifestyles that are going to involve them in crime and violence. How many stars, other than rappers, need to even have bodyguards - except on special occasions where there is a high public exposure? The answer is: almost none.

Why is that?

1) Because they aren't engaging in criminal activity.
2) Because they aren't so insecure that they need "entourages" of people around them to constantly tell them how wonderful they are.
3) Because they don't carry guns themselves.
4) Because they don't hang around violent criminals.
5) Because they don't sing about how they're going to kill other people.
6) Because they don't go around talking smack about their peers.
7) Because when they become successful they understand that you don't settle disputes by getting out a gun and shooting somebody.

Do I need to go on with the long list of self-destructive behaviors that rappers and their "entourages" engage in?

I know it's not a popular stance with fans of rap, but the hard truth is that "keeping it real" usually winds up "getting you dead." How many more people have to die before someone in the industry stands up and says enough: "No More Thugs"?

Nikki Cox Engaged to Another Comedian

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Nikki Cox
Comedian Jay Mohr and actress Nikki Cox engaged

Congrats to Nikki Cox and Jay Mohr who met when he was a guest star on her TV show, Las Vegas, on their engagement. The couple reportedly plans to get married next winter.

I have to say this is a huge step up for Nikki Cox whose previous fiance was Bobcat Goldthwait - what? Yes...that Bobcat: the loony one from the Police Academy movies. If you're asking yourself what a hottie young actress was doing with Bobcat, I can't give you the answer. I guess she's got a real "thing" for funny men...

Another Sex Tape Scandal for Paris Hilton?

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton's videos to be sold at auction

Is there another sex tape scandal hiding in Paris Hilton's future?

Even ultra-rich heiresses sometimes have problems getting the bills paid on time, and this time it could cause Paris Hilton a whole lot of embarrassment. Apparently she had a large collection of very personal items in a storage unit in Los Angeles that her accountant failed to pay the bills on. In accordance with the contract, when the bills were not paid, the contents of the storage unit were placed up for auction.

A buyer bought the contents for $2,775 without knowing what was inside, but now that he knows what a goldmine he purchased he is planning to auction off the personal diaries, video tapes, and other belongings inside.

There's no word yet on what's in those diaries or on the videotapes, but Paris Hilton is furious about the whole situation and wants them back in the worst way.

Sorry Paris, this is price you pay for having so much stuff you can't keep it all in one place and for not taking personal charge of making sure the bills on your most personal possessions are paid on time...

Kanye West No Martyr For His Art

Friday, February 03, 2006

Kanye West
The Passion of What???

Steve does the hard work of slogging through the article in the latest issue of Rolling Stone so you don't have to...

The bottom line: Kanye West is no product of the streets. He was raised by his mother who had a decidedly upper middle class job, so where's the suffering? What's he got to be so mad about? He has gotten the benefit of every break in the world, and now that he's gotten all those breaks he wants to complain about how America is set up for white people. Really, Kanye? Then how did you manage to completely escape being affected by it?

He can't shut up about how downtrodden the black man is and how the country is set up to keep down the black man down despite the fact that every time he looks in the mirror he proves himself a liar, so what does he know about being downtrodden? Turns out he's just a darker shade of Vanilla Ice...

Heather Locklear Calls It Quits

Heather Locklear
Heather Locklear files for divorce in LA

After an eternity of Hollywood time, Heather Locklear is calling it quits on her 11-year marriage to Bon Jovi guitarist, Richie Sambora.

Locklear is citing "irreconciliable differences" which is just California legalspeak for "I don't want to be married to this guy any more."

The spokeswoman said no further comment will be made right now, but you can bet that there probably will be a lot more information forthcoming once the tabloids get a hold of the story and inevitable "Richie Tells His Side of the Story" and "Heather Tells How She's Moving On" articles appear in People or Us Weekly...

'Commander' Geena Davis on Leave

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Geena Davis
'Commander in Chief' taking a break

Despite pretty much every bit of hype they could hope for, Geena Davis and the cast of "Commander in Chief" are going off the air for at least the next six weeks in favor of a sitcom. The network is saying it will air the final four episodes of the season in April, but I wouldn't bet on it if its replacement has decent ratings.

To be blunt, the show is awful. The plot is wholly unbelievable and the stories are painfully contrived. Geena Davis may have won a Golden Globe for her performance, but awards in Hollywood are often more about politics and social commentary than they are about the actual performances.

Davis was rewarded because the foreign press that awards the Golden Globes is in favor of Hilary Clinton for president in 2008. The show always has been an obvious stalking horse for her upcoming candidacy, and so Davis was unfairly given an award she didn't really deserve because they liked the role she was given and what it stood for. It had little or nothing to do with her actual performance in it - they probably would have given the award to a trained monkey in the same role if they thought they could get away with it, so its unsurprising that the show is faltering so badly.

(Don't even get me started on the gay cowboy fantasy movie, 'Brokeback Mountain,' and how much undeserved attention for awards it has gotten because its "message" is so popular in Hollywood despite the plot being so completely unbelievable to anyone who hasn't always harbored a hidden desire for the uber-masculine Marlboro Man to be a closeted homosexual.)

But back to the point...

I initially tried to watch the show, and as I posted here right after that failed attempt, I didn't think it would last the full season because it was so bad. ABC tried to fix it by giving control of the show over to Steven Bochco, but even he couldn't fix the mess. Lo and behold, it hasn't lasted the full season despite the best attempts of the Hollywood press to foist it and its message onto the American public.

Good riddance to bad rubbish...Entertainment is always better when it's pure entertainment where any "message" is incidental to the story. When the message IS the story, it stops being entertainment and becomes propaganda and that's never a good foundation for anything built to last.

'Will & Grace' Jumps the Shark with Britney Spears

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Britney Spears
Britney Spears to guest star on 'Will & Grace'

If you're not familiar with the term 'jump the shark,' it means the point at which you know everything is downhill from there. It comes from the show 'Happy Days' when, as it was winding down, the writers had Fonzie jumping a shark on waterskis.

It looks like the writers for 'Will & Grace' have run out of decent ideas for the show, so they're going to bring in Britney Spears for a guest appearance as a stunt to boost their ratings in their final season. You always know that a show is on its final legs when they start bringing in the celebrities for guest appearances, and 'Will & Grace' is no exception.

After two failed outings as an actress, how will Britney Spears do? My guess is that it will be only slightly better than Kevin Freeloader's attempt at a singing career...

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